There are many ways to live life. Some people ask themselves the following kinds of questions before doing something in their daily lives or work.
“Will doing this help? Will it help me or other people? Will it encourage people in their personal or professional lives?”
Such people ask these questions before making a decision, moving into action or saying something to a person. Different people follow this approach in different ways. Let’s look at some examples.
Choosing How To Behave
In A Difficult Conversation
Imagine that you are in the middle of a difficult conversation. You have tried to keep calm but then another person says something that gets you to see red.
One immediate reaction may be to hit back. It can be useful, however, to consider the various options you have in the situation. These include the following. You can choose either:
To stay calm … To say how you feel … To try to find, as far as possible, a win-win solution … To focus on how you can do your best to build a good relationship … To give a positive suggestion about how you would like the other person to behave in the future … To walk away.
Bearing these things in mind, you may want to explore the following themes before saying something.
“What are the real results I want to achieve in the situation? How can I do my best to achieve these results? What are the things I can say that will increase the chances of achieving these results?”
Taking this approach calls for buying time to think. This is especially so in trigger situations where you may go into a downward spiral. Buying time to think gives you the chance to consider your options and then choose the most helpful way forwards.
Reading An Article
Imagine that you are a person who gets depressed by some of the vitriol hurled by politicians who spreads hate. Looking at the web, you see an article that describes their latest racist rants.
This may pose a dilemma. Whilst you like to know what is happening in the world, you also find that reading such articles can be depressing. Looking at the headline, you may therefore explore the following themes.
“Will reading the article help me or other people? What am I likely to feel after reading the article? Will it help me to combat racism? What could I do instead to care for others in my own life or work?”
People who explore such questions do not walk away from challenges. They focus instead on the things they can do: a) to encourage others in their daily lives; b) to, if appropriate, support organisations that aim to spread compassion in the world.
Recognising What You Can
And Can’t Control In A Situation
Imagine that you are in a situation where you feel concerned about what a particular event or what is happening in the world. How can you behave in the situation? What can you do to help yourself or other people?
One option is to focus on controlling the controllables. The phrase is often used by athletes, but many people are applying this philosophy in their daily lives.
Some people cross an emotional line in their lives when they choose to focus on what they can control. They opt for this route rather than worrying about what they can’t control. Some find this approach to be liberating. One person said:
“Several years ago I had a health scare. Fortunately I got wonderful treatment, but it also taught me a lesson.
“Nowadays I put my energies into the things I can control. This means choosing to have a positive attitude, encouraging other people and doing satisfying work.
“In the past I often worried about events beyond my control. Sometimes I used to spread gloom and doom, which was self-indulgent.
“These days I count my blessings. Each day is a bonus and I try to do my best to help other people.”
Such people build on what they can control and manage what they can’t control. They then focus on what they can do to help themselves and other people.
There are many ways to live life. As mentioned earlier, some people ask themselves the following kinds of questions before doing something in their daily lives or work.
“Will doing this help? Will it help me or other people? Will it encourage people in their personal or professional lives?”
Looking ahead, can you think of a situation where you may want to follow elements of this approach? This could be a personal or professional situations. How could you then follow this approach in your own way?
If you wish, try tackling the exercise on this theme. This invites you to complete the following sentences.
Leave a Reply