This is an exercise that I often used on strengths workshops. The aim was to help people to identify how they could encourage themselves and other people in the future. Here are the instructions for the exercise.
Encouragers
Who have been the people who have encouraged you in the past? They may have been parents, teachers, friends or other people. Write the names of these people and the specific things they did to encourage you.
Who are the people who encourage you now? These may be people in your family, work place or elsewhere. Write the names of these people and what they do to encourage you.
Stoppers
Who have been the people with whom you have felt stopped? Some of these people may have had the best of intentions but their style may have been difficult to manage. Write the names of these people.
Who are the people – or what are the situations – in the present where you feel stopped? You have a responsibility to do your best, of course, but you may feel disqualified or not valued in certain situations. This can be challenging.
Two other points are worth mentioning. First, some people will both encourage you and stop you. If so, describe how they encourage you and also how they may feel stopped.
Second, some people stop themselves. They may do this by following negative scripts or by not doing their best. If appropriate, describe how you may stop yourself in certain situations. Here is the exercise on stoppers.
Encouragers And
Stoppers In The Future
Imagine that you have made a list of encouragers and stoppers. Looking ahead, you may want to consider the following themes.
Encouragers
Let’s start with the people who are supportive or stimulating. How can you build with such people? One approach is to be an encourager yourself and aim:
To spend more time the encouragers;
To encourage the encouragers and other people;
To encourage yourself.
Stoppers
Let’s move onto the situations where you may feel stopped. When appropriate, it can be good to stop putting yourself into such situations. If this is not possible, you may aim:
To rehearse what you are going to do when encountering such people or situations;
To recognise the specific things they do that trigger your emotions and also learn how to manage such triggers;
To, but only when you feel it is appropriate, suggest positive ways the person may want to consider behaving in the future – plus describe the benefits for both themselves and other people.
Here is the final exercise on this theme. This invites you to focus on how you can build with encouragers and manage situations where you may feel stopped.
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