The How Can I Use This Feeling? Approach

by mike on December 25th in Articles From The Positive Encourager's Book

Many people are feelings driven. Different people follow this approach in different ways.

Sometimes they follow it in a proactive way. They aim to do things that will increase the chances of them feeling loved, happy or successful. They aim to shape a positive future.

Sometimes they follow it in a reactive way. They may try to understand the feeling they are experiencing. They may then aim to find ways to manage the feeling.

Feelings are the material of life. The way we choose to use these feelings can have consequences for both ourselves and other people. It can therefore be useful to try to control the feeling rather than let it control us.

Some people believe in trying to ‘work through a feeling’. But there are some feelings you never work through. Another approach is to focus on how you can use the feeling.

Imagine that you have a feeling. This may be because of something you have done or something that has happened. You may have had a success or a setback. You may feel valued or disappointed.

Bearing in mind the feeling you have, you can choose to focus on either of the following sets of question.

Positive Questions

How can I use this feeling? How can I use it to help myself or other people? How can I use it to learn from? How can I build on what I did well? How can I do things better in the future? How can I use the feeling to shape a positive future?

Negative Questions

How can I let the feeling use me? How can I let it hurt myself or other people? How can I dwell on the feeling? How can I focus on what I, other people or the world did wrong? How can I let it lock me into a negative past?

Let’s return to your own life. Can you think of a situation in the future when you may want to focus on how you can use a feeling? This could be in your personal or professional life.

You may anticipate having a success or a setback. You may anticipate feeling happy or sad, feeling in control or having less control, feeling energetic or exhausted.

Looking ahead, how can you use the feeling in a positive way? How can you use it to help yourself or other people? How can you use it to shape a positive future?

If you wish, try tackling the exercise on this theme. This invites you to complete the following sentences.