Different people may choose to deal with a challenging situation in different ways. They may choose to manage it, moan about it or move on from it.
The approach that people follow can have consequences – both for themselves and other people. Let’s explore these themes.
Manage It
Some people take responsibility and learn how to manage the situation. They focus on what they can control, set specific goals and develop skills to achieve their goals.
Such individuals often have an internal locus of control. They say: ‘I can make things happen.’ They do not have an external locus on control where they continually blame events or others for their situation.
They may have challenging emotions after a setback but they believe they can choose their attitude. They mobilise their energy and focus on what they can do in a situation. They choose not to become a victim.
Different people do this in different situations. Here are some of the challenges that people have described during mentoring sessions.
How to feel more in control of my life … How to deal with a micromanaging boss … How to manage my emotions in a more positive way … How to help my child who is having problems at school.
How to manage a conflict … How to find my next job after being fired after a takeover … How to deal with a double-bind situation where, whatever I do, it feels I am bound to lose.
Many people choose to develop and learn how to manage such situations. This often involves following strategies that work and adding to their repertoire of skills. They then do their best to achieve success.
Moan About It
Some people seem addicted to moaning. They refuse to take responsibility and want to talk about how others are making their life miserable.
They may take this approach in their personal or professional life. They may take it as individuals, politicians or in other roles. They like to point out what others are doing wrong or look for scapegoats.
People’s lives are obviously influenced by outside events, but it then up to them how they choose to respond. They can focus on what they can control and do their best in the situation.
Some people are addicted to finding problems and refuse to explore solutions. They love to say ‘Yes, but …’ They may aim to find more problems in order to justify their behaviour.
Many therapy programmes focus on a person taking responsibility. It can be hard to help a person unless they choose to develop an internal rather than external locus of control.
People who take this step are more likely to mobilise their energy and focus on shaping their future. They can then follow strategies that work, add their repertoire of skills and achieve their picture of success.
Move On From It
Some people aim to do their best in a situation but may then choose to move on from it. They do this in order to protect their own health or the health of other people.
Some individuals may do this in their personal life, such as moving on from a toxic relationship. They may have done their best to make it work but at some point the pain may become too exhausting.
Some may do it in their professional life. They may find it difficult to work with a micromanaging boss, in a certain kind of culture or in a role where they are not playing to their strengths.
Such individuals may need to develop a sense of urgency in order to move on from situations. Otherwise they may numb themselves and put their energy into simply surviving rather than thriving.
People who move on from toxic situations sometimes learn from the experience. They learn how to spot the danger signs early. This can help them to continue to do their best but also develop options for shaping their future.
As mentioned earlier, different people choose to deal with a situation in different ways. They may choose to learn how to manage it, moan about it or move on from it.
Let’s return to your own life and work. Looking ahead, can you think of a situation where you may want to follow one of these approaches? How can you do this in your own way?
If you wish, try tackling the exercise on this theme. This invites you to complete the following sentences.
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