There are many ways to deal with situations in life. People can sometimes deal with them by following the matter of fact approach rather than the melodramatic approach.
People are emotional beings. Sometimes their first reaction to events is to have certain feelings. Sometimes they may feel up, sometimes they may feel down.
Many voices encourage people to feel strongly about issues. The media, politicians and campaigns often aim to stoke emotions. This can lead to people being polarised and focusing on opinions rather than facts.
Looking back, can you think of a situation when you acted in a matter of fact way rather than a melodramatic way? This could have been after experiencing a shock or getting bad news.
You may have initially reacted in an emotional way. After a while, however, you may have taken time to gather information, explore the ways forward and then pursue your chosen path.
Different people choose different ways to respond to challenging situations. Let’s explore how they may pursue the following route.
The Matter Of Fact Approach
Good decision makers often feel strongly about certain issues. They recognise, however, that sometimes it is vital to approach challenging situations in a measured way.
They often buy time and do something that sounds counter intuitive. Bearing in mind the belief that ‘What you focus on you become’, they don’t try to manage their feelings.
Such people choose instead to become quite cerebral. Bearing in mind the things they can control, they aim:
To clarify what is happening by gathering information about the topic – such as the facts and the potential things that could happen in the future;
To clarify the possible ways forward – together with the pluses and minuses of each option;
To clarify the route they want to take – such as the strategies they want to follow towards achieving their chosen picture of success.
The lead doctor in an Accident & Emergency team will oversee the first assessment of an incoming patient. After taking information from the paramedics, they will ask the team to do an initial assessment.
Bearing in mind what has been revealed, the doctor will decide on the next steps. This calls for being calm, considering the options and selecting the course most likely to help the patient.
A football coach may also need to become more cerebral when watching from the touchline. Football can be an emotional game, but it does not help for the manager to lose control of their feelings.
Some coaches therefore aim: a) to clarify what is happening in the game; b) to clarify the strategies they want their team to follow; c) to pass on these instructions in a way the players can use to achieve success.
Good mentors may also use elements of the matter of fact approach. They create a sanctuary where a person can take time to focus on their agenda, explore their options and chart their chosen way forwards.
Such mentors recognise that the person’s feelings – whether they be happy, sad or experiencing another emotion – are a fact. They therefore help the person to feel at ease and, if appropriate, talk about their feelings. At a certain point, however, they will switch the focus.
The mentor will encourage the person to focus on a matter of fact approach towards tackling a challenge. They will start by helping the person to clarify the real results they want to achieve. They may then aim:
To help the person to clarify the potential options for going forwards;
To, if appropriate, pass on knowledge the person can use to achieve their picture of success;
To help the person to pursue their chosen route towards achieving their picture of success.
Good mentors acknowledge and respect a person’s feelings. At the same time, however, they may help them to take a measured approach towards achieving their goals.
Looking ahead, can you think of a situation where you may aim to follow the matter of fact approach rather than the melodramatic approach? If you wish, try tackling the exercise on this theme. This invites you to complete the following sentences.
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