There are many ways to help people. One approach is to be a positive encourager. Different people do this in different ways in different situations.
Some create a positive environment in which people feel at ease and able to explore. When appropriate – and only with people’s permission – they encourage, educate and enable people to achieve their goals.
Looking back on your own life, can you think of a person who has encouraged you? This may have been a parent, teacher, coach, manager or another person. What did they do to encourage you?
They may have made you feel welcome, listened and provided words of support. They may have offered practical suggestions or opened doors to new possibilities.
If you wish, try tackling the exercise on this theme. This invites you to complete the following sentences.
The encouragement approach has had a strong influence on my own work. During the 1960s I was given the opportunity to work in therapeutic communities. At the time I had little training, so it was important to study what worked.
Bearing this in mind, I approached many people to learn about pioneering programmes in therapy, education and other fields. As well as doing a five-year programme in psychotherapy, I went to courses led by leaders in humanistic and existential psychology.
Many people were generous with their time and shared lessons they had learned in their lives. The main question I asked people was:
“What has helped you to grow most in your life?”
Different people answered this question in different ways. Here is a summary of some things they said.
“I had somebody who encouraged me. They made me feel the centre of their world. They encouraged me to build on my strengths and manage the consequences of my weaknesses. They taught me to do my personal best rather than compare myself to others.”
“I learned from a key person who was supportive but tough. They encouraged me to take responsibility and said we are here to serve. I could use my experiences and feelings to help other people or hurt other people. It was my choice, but there were consequences.”
“I met people who were different. They had experienced setbacks, were dyslexic, sensitive or different in other ways. They said it was possible to be myself and thrive. They also underlined that: If you are going to be a deviant, you always have to over-deliver.”
“I studied people, team and societies that performed brilliantly. When studying leaders of superb teams, for example, I found that many were positive and predictable. They had then used their strengths to enable motivated people to achieve peak performance.”
“My teachers were systems thinkers. They showed how to see the big picture and how things were connected. Putting positive things into a system was more likely to get positive results. They showed how to build sustainable systems that delivered ongoing success.”
The Encouragement Approach
Different people encourage others in different ways. Some give people practical encouragement, some give them psychological encouragement. Some pass on knowledge that helps people to shape their future lives.
Encouragers are often positive realists. They have a positive attitude but are also good at reading reality. They love to help people to succeed. Some take the following approach.
They Encourage People
Some do this by aiming to provide people with the basic materials for life. They may also help people to develop skills they can use to shape their futures.
Many encouragers often have positive eyes. They look for when a person comes alive, overcomes challenges or does superb work. They look for what a person does right then and, if appropriate, encourage them to follow similar principles in the future.
They aim to empower people. Some do this by helping people to build on their strengths and follow successful strategies. They then help the people to work towards achieving their picture of success.
Encouragers may help people to increase both their will power and way power. They may do this by helping people to add to their repertoire of options. People then have more choices and hence more freedom to shape their futures.
They Educate People
They sometimes follow the paths taken by good educators. They only do this when appropriate, however, and when helping people who want to develop.
Encouragers follow the maxim that the learner learns what the learner wants to learn. Bearing this in mind, they sometimes take the following steps:
They make sure that the person wants to develop and work towards achieving their goals;
They clarify the real results the person wants to achieve – their picture of success;
They make clear contracts that it is okay to share ideas that the person can use in their own way to achieve their goals.
Encouragers then aim to pass on knowledge, models and practical tools that work. The person can take the ideas they like and use these in their own way.
They Enable People
Encouragers aim to enable people to shape their futures. They sometimes do this by following the educational model of inspiration, implementation and integration.
They start by aiming to create an inspiring environment. They clarify people’s goals and provide implementation tools that work. They then enable people to integrate the learning in their daily lives and work.
Encouragers help people to take control of their lives. They aim to pass on knowledge and practical tools that work. People can then use these ideas in their own ways to shape a positive future.
Different people focus on different themes when encouraging other people. These often depend on the situation where they are aiming to help them.
The following pages describe some of the questions that a professional may explore before meeting a person. You will, of course, have your own approach.
Let’s return to your own life and work. How would you rate yourself in terms of being a positive encourager? Do this on a scale 0-10. What can you do to maintain or improve the rating?
If you wish, try tackling the exercise on this theme. This invites you to complete the following sentences.
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