Sometimes it can be worth exploring the old question regarding our daily conversation with people. This is:
“Who is the person you have the most conversations with?”
The answer is, of course, yourself. A person may have multiple conversations going on inside their head but there may be certain themes to which they keep returning. These themes can become positive or negative scripts.
A person with a positive script may keep saying:
“I want to do my best in life.”
A person with a negative script may keep saying:
“Life is difficult and other people are luckier than me.”
Different people develop different scripts. Here are some of the phrases that individuals may say to themselves.
The idea of scripting became popular in the 1960s. Eric Berne, the founder of Transactional Analysis, explained that individuals learn life scripts that act like an internal programme.
Parents and teachers play a strong part in the scripts that people internalise. Imagine if you grew in an environment where the key messages were either:
“You can build on your strengths and become the best you can be.”
Or:
“You keep working hard but you will never be as good as other people.”
A person can get to a point in life where they choose to create their own script. They sometimes do this after encountering a difficult situation. When writing their own script, however, it is vital for them to keep one thing in mind.
They need to focus on the things they can control rather than the things they can’t control.
Imagine, for example, that you are a sports psychologist who is helping an athlete. They often get to the final of events and then falls apart. They may have two contradictory messages going through his head. These may be:
“I must try to win but I am bound to fail.”
Some people may advise such a person to believe in themselves. They may advise them to keep saying:
“I am going to win.”
This may or may not work. One challenge, however, is that such an approach is focusing on something the athlete cannot control.
Another approach is to invite the athlete: a) to focus on what they can control; b) to write a script they believe in; c) to then do their best to follow this mantra. Bearing this in mind, the athlete may say:
“I am going to flow rather than freeze.”
People who write their own script also shape their mental model – the way they perceive life. This shapes the running commentary they may have inside their head.
Such people sometimes take the following steps when working through this approach.
They create a positive script they want to follow;
They take practical steps to translate this into action;
They take time to pause – especially when things get tough – and revisit their positive script.
Different people develop positive scripts in different ways. During the 1970s I also attended several workshops where people learned how to rewrite their own scripting.
Each person considered the main positive and negative messages they were given by their mother and father. These messages could have been spoken or unspoken – such as in the way the parents behaved towards them.
One person wrote two messages they were given by their parents. These were:
“Keep working hard, but you will never be as good as your sister.”
As a result, the person had developed the habit of thinking:
“Whatever I do, it will never be good enough.”
On the workshop people learned that their parents probably wanted to do the best for their children. Unfortunately parents sometimes have good intentions but poor communication. This can confuse children.
Bearing this in mind, the person decided to rewrite the messages they had internalised. They chose to write:
“Keep working hard and become the best you can be.”
Some people turn their scripts into mantras that they use to remind them of certain beliefs. The mantras they use may consist of single words or phrases. Here are some examples.
Count your blessings … Choose your attitude … Be kind … Encourage others … Stay calm … See things in perspective … Every day is a bonus … Always give your best.
Let’s look at another approach to positive scripting. This involves taking the following steps.
People can focus on their liberating beliefs. They can then translate these into action and aim to do their best.
Some psychologists urge people to focus on their so-called limiting beliefs, but taking this route can increase people’s self-doubt.
Another approach is for people to focus on their liberating beliefs. Such beliefs need to be based on reality, of course, rather than wishful thinking.
Bearing this in mind, people often go through the following steps to clarify their liberating beliefs.
Looking back at your life, when have you pursued a liberating belief that helped you to reach a goal? You may have done this when working to pass an exam, deliver a project or reach some other goal.
If appropriate, how did you translate this belief into positive affirmations? Different people do this in different ways. A person may say, for example:
“I can do it. I have done it before, so I can do it again. I just need to keep doing certain things in the right way. I will then reach the goal.”
Some psychologists take the liberating belief approach when working with clients. They invite a person to recall when they have managed a similar situation successfully.
The client then develops belief from the gut. They have done it before, so they can do it again. Building on this feeling, they can follow similar principles to tackle the present challenge successfully.
Let’s return to your own life and work. Imagine that you want to follow some of your liberating beliefs and follow a positive script. As mentioned earlier, begin by focusing on the things you can control.
Looking ahead, what is the script you would like to follow? If appropriate, start by brainstorming the phrases you can say to yourself. You can then settle on a positive script you believe in.
What are the practical steps you can take to translate this into action? What may be the potential pluses of following this script? Are there any potential minuses? How can you build on the pluses and minimise the minuses?
Sometimes you may hit difficulties or get blown off-course. How can you buy time, pause and revisit your positive script. How can you then follow it in the future?
If you wish, try tackling the exercise on this theme. This invites you to complete the following sentences.
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