There are many ways to live life. Some people follow the positive suggestions approach. They do this when focusing their own life and, but only when appropriate, offering positive suggestions to other people.
Some people take the personal criticism approach. They focus on what they see as other people’s shortcomings. Some may be addicted to criticising other people.
Different people follow these approaches in different ways. Let’s explore how they may translate these into action.
The Positive Suggestions Approach
People who take this approach often have a positive attitude. They want to build on the best in themselves and other people. They focus on what people do well and how they can build on these things in the future.
Such people focus on continuous improvement in their own life. They may encounter situations where other people can improve, but they are careful about when and how to share these ideas.
There are many ways to follow the positive suggestions approach. Some people focus on the following themes.
Positive Suggestions
For Themselves
Some people follow this approach in both their personal and professional lives. Different people do this in different ways. Some take the following steps.
They build on the best things in life. They count their blessings, have a sense of gratitude and appreciate life. They often reflect on what they have enjoyed that day and how to keep doing these things.
Such people build on their strengths, passions and what gives them positive energy. They aim to do more of these things in ways that help themselves and other people.
They love to encourage other people. They focus on other people’s strengths, what they do well and when they come alive. They encourage people to do more of these things in the future.
Such people embody the concept of continuous improvement. They clarify what they can do better and how. They then aim to implement these ideas in their personal or professional life.
Positive Suggestions
For Tackling Challenges
Some people are lifelong learners and love to explore positive suggestions for tackling challenges. They may do this in both their personal and professional lives.
Different people do this in different ways. They may read books, scour the internet or learn from educators. They study success and see what works. Some do this by focus on the following themes.
What is the challenge I want to tackle? What are the real results I want to achieve? What is the picture of success? What will be the benefits of achieving these goals?
Looking at my own life, when have I tackled a similar challenge successfully? What did I do right then? What were the principles I followed? How did I translate these into action? What happened as a result?
Looking at other people’s lives and work, when have they tackled a similar challenge successfully? What did they do right then? What were the principles they followed? How did they translate these into action? What happened as a result?
Looking around the world, what may be some of the positive approaches that people or organisations are taking to tackling such challenges? What are they doing to translate these ideas into action? What may be some of the positive results?
Looking at all this information, what are the strategies I can follow to give myself the greatest chance of success? How could I translate these into action? How could I do my best to achieve the picture of success?
Lifelong learners love to keep adding strategies, skills and solutions to their repertoire. They then have more ideas they can use to get positive results.
Positive Suggestions
For Other People
Some people encourage others to keep building on their strengths. There may be times, however, when they consider offering positive suggestions, options or alternatives to people. Let’s look at how they may do this in different situations.
Positive Suggestions
In Professional Life
Some people may follow this approach in certain professional situations. They aim to be encouraging when doing this, however, and only do so when appropriate.
Imagine a mentor or coach has watched a person in action or seen an example of their work. They may then explore some of the following themes before making any suggestions.
Looking at what the person is doing, what are they real results they want to achieve? What are they doing well and how can they do more of these things in the future? What could they do better and how?
What do I want to do in this situation? Do I want to stay quiet or offer ideas? If I want to offer ideas, how can I do this in a way that the person can accept and use to achieve their desired results?
Such people may also follow certain guidelines when offering positive suggestions, options or alternatives. This may involve taking the following steps.
They ask the person if it is okay
for them to share some ideas
This is an approach taken by some mentors. They create an encouraging environment in which a person feels at ease. Focusing on the first topic the person wants to explore, they clarify the real results they want to achieve.
The mentor may then help the person to explore the possible strategies going forward and the consequences of each option. Then, at a certain point, they may say something like:
“Is it okay for me to share some ideas?”
This is vital because it is important to get the person’s psychological permission to share ideas. Imagine that the person says this is okay. The mentor then aims to pass on ideas that the person may be able to use in their own way.
They focus on the future
when sharing the ideas
A mentor may sometimes explore the person’s past but mainly to find their successful pattern. They then focus on what the person did right to tackle a challenge successfully or achieve a specific goal.
It is important to focus on the future, however, because there is little a person can do to change the past. But there may be things a person can do to shape a positive future.
Let’s assume a mentor, for example, has asked a person if it is okay for them to share some ideas. Bearing in mind the results a person wants to achieve, they may use some of the following phrases.
“Looking to the future, here are some possible options you may want to consider …”
“Looking to the future, one approach you may wish to consider is …”
“Looking to the future, an alternative approach could be …”
Good mentors look to see if any of the ideas resonate with a person. If so, they ask if it would be useful to explore these further. This can lead to a person beginning to clarify how they can use some of the ideas in their own way.
Such mentors also recognise, however, that a person may need time to reflect. This is particularly the case with somebody who is an introvert who wants to let things sink in before moving into action.
They emphasise it is up to the person whether they
want to apply any of these ideas in their own way
Good mentors may share ideas, options and alternatives but they also follow a certain rule. They emphasise that it is up to the person to decide if they want to implement any of the ideas in their own way.
The person must believe in the idea. It is their life or work. There may come a point, however, where they also ask for help in translating the ideas into action.
The example described above may work when a person wants to explore possible suggestions. It can be more challenging, of course, if a person has previously behaved in a way that has caused problems for other people.
The person’s manager, for example, may then offer the person a positive alternative about how they can choose to behave in the future. They may something along the following lines.
“Looking ahead, one option is for you to behave in a professional way by doing the following things … This could help other people and also yourself in the following ways …
“The other option is for you to behave in another way that will not help yourself or other people.
“Let me know which option you would like to follow in the future. Then we can go from there.”
Such an approach sounds tough: but it is also positive and clear. It offers a person the chance to consider whether they want to behave in a professional way. If so, there will be benefits. If not, then there will be consequences.
Positive Suggestions
In Personal Life
The positive suggestions approach can work well in a professional situation but it can be more sensitive in personal relationships. There may be many emotions involved and it is important to remember the old rule:
You can’t do therapy in your own family.
There may be some personal situations, however, where a person wants to offer somebody else a positive suggestion. They may want either:
To encourage a person to keep building on what they do well;
To encourage a person to consider behaving in another way in the future.
People who take this approach may also consider two things. First, to make sure they do not come across as patronising or trying to fix the other person. Second, to recognise the different kinds of scenarios where this may or may not be appropriate. Let’s explore these themes.
The Positive Scenario
Imagine that somebody wants to encourage a person to build on what they are doing well. Before saying anything, they may explore the following themes.
What is the other person doing well? Do I want to encourage them to do more of these things? Would it be appropriate in this situation? If so, how can I encourage them in a positive way?
The Positive Alternative Scenario
Imagine that somebody wants to encourage a person to consider behaving in another way in the future. Before saying anything, they may explore the following themes.
What is the other person doing? Would I like them to behave in another way? If so, how would I like them to behave in the future? What would be the positive benefits for them or myself?
Do I actually want to suggest a positive alternative? If so, when would be the appropriate time? What would I like to say to the person? How could I put this in a positive way that the person is more likely to consider or accept?
Different people are comfortable with using different phrases when taking this approach. One person may offer a positive alternative to somebody by saying something along the following lines:
“In the future, I wonder if it would be possible for you to …”
What happens if the other person says they are not interested or replies in a negative way? Then it may be best to leave it rather than get into an argument. But at least a positive alternative has been offered.
Some people follow the positive suggestions approach in their lives and work. Some people choose to take another route.
The Personal Criticism Approach
Some people follow the personal criticism approach. They focus on what they see as other people’s shortcomings. Some may be addicted to criticising other people.
They believe they are right and that others are wrong. Some get a kick from criticising others. Whilst they may feel justified, they can spread negativity. This can create collateral damage.
Some people spend much of their lives following this approach. They may do so as politicians, observer critics or keyboard warriors. Whilst they may feel superior, they do not spread happiness.
Let’s return to your own life and work. Looking ahead, can you think of a situation where you may want to follow elements of the positive suggestions approach? How can you do this in your own way?
If you wish, try tackling the exercise on this theme. This invites you to complete the following sentences.
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